Listening: With Understanding

In one of my recent coaching sessions, a key intention which a Career Women created for herself, is that she wants to truly "Listen" to her 18 year old daughter. Such a simple act on the surface! But how many of us have listened in the recent past to the people we spend our lives with; at home, in office or in our neighborhood? In building and nurturing relationships, Listening with an intention to understand what the other person is saying, can transform the relationships and create an upward moving spiral of Joy and Fulfillment.

What does it take for me to "Be Responsible" for understanding what the other person is saying? I have caught myself often with an attitude of "Here I am! Tell me what you have to say." It's as if I am doing a favour to the other person by listening. It is as if the responsibility of a productive conversation is on the person speaking.

Can I change this attitude to; "Here I am! and I want to understand what you are saying." If I listen from this perspective, my process of listening is likely to change. I would probably do one or more of the following things:
1. Seek clarifications by asking questions. And not for testing or challenging the speaker.
2. Paraphrase the key points / ideas, as I have understood; and check if my understanding is correct.
3. Note down key points.
4. Understand the concerns, issues and context of the other person; and then Listen with empathy.
5. Stop evaluating what the person is saying and just listen and try to understand by listening deeply.
6. Stop talking.

And what are the outcomes of  such a listening. I am able to truly connect with the other person and get under the skin of what the person wants to convey. I get connected at the level of heart. What do you feel would be the likely outcomes of such a conversation? Who would have won or lost in such a Listening? What "Listening" would the other person have about you, when you start speaking or you meet him/her the next time?

Check it out in your next conversation with your spouse or little one or father / mother, team member or your boss. What happened? What did you create for yourself in that conversation?